Graduation Party At Our House

It's party time. Katie has officially graduated from
High School. Our house is full of teenagers, some of
which are just like Katie.....no longer in high school...
they are 2005 graduates.

Laughter, music, a movie playing....it's all good.

I made an announcement that anyone who was or will
be drinking would not be driving if and when they left.
Party on.....but absolutely no drinking and driving
from this house.

Annie and I have to be at work in the morning at 7am.
Not much sleep happening here tonight.

Pizza arrived a few minutes ago....we were starving.
Most times on party days we forget to eat...or just
don't have the time.

Graduation was wonderful....packed
Can you believe it....Annie didn't even cry....

Our Katie, all grown up. Beautiful, intelligent,
an amazing woman and person.

Katherine, your Moms are proud of you.

Life As A Child

Every child has hopes and dreams....one day I want to be
kind of thing. I wanted to be a ball player...softball.
I began playing softball with our baptist church at
eight years old. I lived ,ate and slept softball.
Every opportunity I was playing ball.

We didn't have a field to practice on....So, we made one.
It was on one side of our cow pasture. Every practice
we closed off that side of the pasture to the cows
and played ball. Several kids, several ladies
in their 30's and some in their 40's. My sister and I
played.

Now mind you, this was a fresh cow pasture....
Our pitcher was probably in her 40's, short,
petite lady....I remember her being very
funny, great sense of humor...this came in
handy one Sunday afternoon.

We took turns at bat...I don't remember who
was at bat on this given day....What I do
remember was someone hitting a line
drive right at the pitcher...toward the
ground....SPLAT right in a cow patty.
Now for those of you that are not
countrified....that's cow manure ok ( shit)

It was all over her face, her clothes....we laughed
for what seemed like forever....peed our pants.
The pitcher laughed right with us....then walked
away to our house washed her self off with the
water hose and was back in 5 minutes flat.....
Let's play ball she said....that brought back laughter.
Just the thought of a 40'ish woman with cow shit
everywhere...now soaking wet saying PLAY BALL.

That was our first year...We did not win a game.
Yet, still we had a blast....our coach was not as
happy with us....but we had a blast.
We did get better the next year...and became good.

We did get a real practice field after the first 2 years
of the cow pasture.

After a few years I began to play with other churches
in tournaments. Then played open league and traveled
every weekend playing softball. I thought I could make
a career out of this...just playing ball and having great fun.

During high school I only got to to play my senior year.
We went to finals and lost our last game before going
to state.

I did continue to play on tournaments and church
leagues. Then began to play industrial leagues.
Off every weekend to some new place to play
ball. Suntan, dripping sweat...I loved every
minute of it.

I took my ball playing serious after the first few years.
If I was playing I was playing to win...having fun in
the process.

I played co-ed on our EMS team. Most of the time those
guys were drunk by the time they got on the
ballfield. OK easier to beat....strict rule with us...
Alcohol only after ball is over for the day.
That's the only time I ever liked beer...
after a long hot day on the ball field.

As I got older and while working as a paramedic
I gained weight...which slowed me down.
I was good...just much slower.
My shoulder started to hurt every time I played.
Finally went to orthopedic doctor....I had messed
up my rotator cuff. I always believed hit as hard as
you can into a hole and throw just as hard.

Give 100% or give nothing. Finally came to the
realization that I could not give 100%...
so I gave nothing.
I did play a few times after that when they were
in a jam...and paid for the pain after.

Today if my shoulder would let me I would still
be playing softball. It was my life from 8 years
old until I was 38....

Softball and fishing what could be better.

Still to this day I enjoy softball....just now
as an observer. It's the greatest game ever.

The Day We Met

A beautiful warm sunny February day. Nice day for a drive.
It's valentine's weekend....February 1999. I left my South
Carolina home around 10:00am for the 5 1/2 hour drive.

It was a meeting of women on an e-mail list that Annie
owned. She invited these wonderful ladies to her home.
I was included.

Annie and I met on line. I had just come out of the closet.
Searching was what I was doing.....looking, wanting
answers to questions I did not even know what the
questions were.

I found those answers through a kind gentle space and
a kind gentle woman. The space....Womens Space..
the woman....Annie. She offered me assistance.
Provided answers, information was her highway.
I was new not only to computers but to being a
lesbian.....

I originally bought a computer to fill empty space.
My Mom had recently died...I didn't know what to
do with myself. I had withdrawn from friends and
family. I was depressed.

This machine.....the computer opened up a new
world for me. I found people who felt as I felt.
People who believe as I believe. Normal everyday
people with the same hurts, same cares, same
worries, and same desires as me.

I found womens space.....a wondeful group of women.
Owned and operated by Annie. She kept everyone in
line. No offensive words about list members....kindness
please. Well, I was offensive to someone. Don't
remember to whom or about what now. Annie set me
straight....thankfully she didn't boot me from the list.

I e-mailed an apology to her and asked for her phone
number. That began a friendship.

I was invited to a womens space gathering. Hence my
5 1/2 drive from South Carolina to Georgia on a beautiful
sunny warm February day. Friday February 13 no less.

I have always liked the number 13....and today would
be no exception.....

As I arrived on her street....fourth house on the left....
I saw this mountain of a sloped driveway....no fear
here. I turned right into that sloped driveway.
Sunglasses on, sunroof open.

The first thing I saw was Annie sitting on her front
porch rocking. What a wonderful sight....what a
beautiful person. I got out of my car...walked
up that hugh sloped driveway...she stood up...
walked to the porch and said....
" Well Jan Hicks"
I said
" Well Annie Burke"

We still say that to each other over 6 years later.
I walked into her house with the smell of pound cake.
It was still in the oven. We began talking...her
kids arrived home from school...she introduced me.

She asked me if I would watch the cake in the oven....
she had an errand she had to run....Sure I can do that.

That afternoon was wonderful...she was wonderful.
I felt comfortable.

The other guests started to arrive. Some that afternoon
some the next day on Saturday....But, not before
a tour of her lovely immiculate home.

We went out onto the deck off the kitchen...
she leaned over and kissed me....it was returned.

It was truely a wonderful weekend. Getting to know
a little of Annie and other guests. And letting her get
to know a little of me....

I visited often in the next 2 months...with each visit
I brought more of me into her home.

On april 16...we brought all of me into her home...
soon to become OUR HOME and OUR FAMILY.

At Home

I'm at home and feeling ok although not ready for a jig yet.
Well, actually I don't jig anyway.

Thanks all you blog friends for the well wishes.
You guys are great.

To those that called me today and checked on
me....thank you. It means a lot to me.

Thank you Annie for being my personal nurse
and the hugs were welcome too.
I sure hope I am finished causing you stress
and worry.

Sorry for the short post but,
I am off to the couch.

Whew....The Weekend Is Over

I realize that most people are not as excited that the weekend
is over as I. You see, I work on weekends, every weekend.
It begins on Friday 7am and ends Sunday 7pm. 12 hours
for 3 days....sometimes 4 days.
This Friday my weekend began in our little ER busy as usual.
This one was different....I was in pain, gallbladder pain
and nausea....all day.
Annie and I came home at 7:30pm, checked ours and
other blogs, checked mail and ate dinner. All was well.
We were about ready for bed...about 9:15 I began with
a sharp stabbing pain in my left lower abdomen...It
was breath taking, excruciating. Nothing would stop it.
Tried lying down....big mistake. Annie says I was on
all fours rocking on the bed....couldn't be still.

I had no clue what this pain was. Tried getting up and
walking....no relief, back to bed. Annie says....
Do you want me to take you to the hospital????
Yes, yes, yes...oh please...I think I am dying
here.

Now I know she is driving fast....it just seemed like
it was 10 miles per hour. On the way I began also
to hurt in my back....light bulb came on.
I have a kidney stone....oh shit it hurts and
hurts. Can someone make this scorching
knife in my side and back stop.

At the ER 2 needle sticks for an IV....and
what seemed like an eternity later...meds.
Sweet wonderful pain and nausea relieving
meds. Whew...I feel better.

Now after some IV fluids I have to give urine.

Doctor comes back in about 12:15am....
Surprise, surprise he said you have a kidney
stone....OK, I'll give you more pain medicine,
drink lots of fluids....he said oh, you know the
routine....prescription written for pain.

Annie signed the papers and out the door
we went....me wobbling while walking.

Thanks Annie, I think you saved my life.
I was surely going to die from pain.
To bed at 1am and back to work on Saturday
at 7am.....it's the weekend.

Needless to say Annie and I both felt like crap
all day Saturday.....
Darn headaches and sleepies for Annie
Darn stones kidney and gallbladder and sleepies for me

It's Sunday night..our weekend is over.

Gallbladder out in the am....

Life is good...ok...better than Friday night.

Gone Fishing

My favorite past time growing up was fishing.
I could spend hours at our pond. It did not matter if
I caught a fish or not. Fishing was my escape, my out.
It allowed me peace.

I was raised in a small South Carolina town on 20 acres
of land. My dad had a pond dug when I was very young.
No fishing allowed for about 5 years...the fish had to grow.
I fished and fished and fished.

After all the chores were done....feeding the cows, gardening.
And, I do mean garden.....one acre of it. 100 tomato plants,
enough corn when pulled filled the bed of a pick up truck.
Another acre of six week peas...the good part of the peas
was that my 2 siblings and I got to keep the profit from selling
them.

After all this was done it was off to the pond for me. Fishing was
my thing....neither my brother nor sister enjoyed fishing. I was alone,
me, the pond and the fish.

After my dad died my Mom and I fished often. She loved it as well.
Our little dog often went with us....she just sat in the boat
and enjoyed the ride.

Many, many fish were cleaned and eaten....bass and bream...yum.

After my Mom died in 1997, my stepdad continued to live in the house.
By this time I had moved out but, only lived 30 minutes away.
So, still much time was spent fishing.

There were many great times at that pond with my Mom.
She was my best friend and fishing buddy.

Annie the kids and I went fishing there one day.
Annie never got to meet my Mom...I regret this.
They would have gotten along well...a Mother in law
so to speak.

Any way, back to fishing.....
Annie and I got into the boat....it's a 12 foot heavy
aluminum boat. We paddled around the pond...
me fishin, Annie watching, enjoying the smile on
my face. She does not like to fish. It was a time of
remembrance. Stories of the great times my
Mom and I had at that place.
A place I now shared with the love of my life, Annie.

I was proud to be able to share those memories
with her, as she was to hear and see them.

Of the 3 kids John was the only one that got into the
boat with us....didn't last long. He wanted out. Off to
the bank we went. I think they spent their time exploring
more than fishing. It was their first fishing trip. I loved
watching them....The facial grimaces when watching me
put a worm on the hook. Katie...ooohhhh that poor worm.
Hilary...oooooohhhhhhh nasty. John just watched.

Annie sat in the boat with me...enjoying her surroundings.
We were at peace....together.

My First

I am not a writer. Never have been never will.
Words do not come to me easily. But, here goes.

I am a nurse, deputy coroner and paramedic.
I live in North Georgia and moved here in April 1999.
My love Annie and I met on the internet just over 6 years ago.
She is my heart, my other half, my best friend, my spouse,
my lover.

I moved to North Georgia from a small town in South
Carolina.

My work is in the medical field. Twenty three years
as a nurse. Eighteen of those ER. I was a paramedic
in South Carolina. I worked full time ER part time
EMS or vice versa for 10 years.

The love of excitement has keep me in the ER. Helping
people is what I do best. I am good at it and it is good for me.

I no longer work as a paramedic and haven't since moving
to Georgia. Tired of being up all night, working 24 hour shifts,
bad back are a few reasons I no longer work EMS.

I do miss EMS sometimes. Miss being in the streets making
decisions.

My life here in North Georgia could not be better.
A wonderful spouse, 3 great kids, 3 great dogs and
1 ok cat. It's a good thing our yard is not fenced in...
it would be full of animals...The dog kind.

Great friendships have been made here. Thanks you guys.
I love you all.

Being 350 miles away from family and friends is hard.
I don't stay in contact as often as I should.
My fault...Not theirs. I do miss and love them.
Hopefully this summer we can visit.

My home now is in Georgia........Love the area,
love the friends, love the family, love my work.

I am also a deputy coroner for our county.
A co-worker asked me 4 years ago if I wanted to be
deputy coroner. Well, heck yeah....right after I talk
with Annie. It was off to school to learn the Georgia law.
We are required to have 24 hours annual training, which
Annie and I also turn into a vacation.

A lot of being a deputy coroner is sad. Loss of life is always sad.
Watching family and friends grieve is sad. I believe I do make a
difference in their lives. I am sorry for your loss is usually the
first thing I say after introducing myself.
I do this to make a difference, to ease pain.
To help loved ones with the death process.
Another part of it is investigation. Love this part.
Dead people do talk...just not in words.

Ok, enough....but, first let me explain the name
Jan/Fred.....
Jan is my name. Fred is a name that Annie and I call
each other. It's another way of saying I l0ve you.
I use Fred at work too. Some days there are 3 Jans.
It's easier and less confusing to be called Fred.
It's funny to have patients ask me about Fred.
Is your name Jan or Fred. Well it's both...Use either.